The Sensuality Catch, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and repercussions.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to extremely tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful feelings of destination, excitement, well-being, love, and closeness .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical here intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in urban areas, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay men want helpful resources to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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